DISCLAIMER: IF YOU ARE, OR THINK YOU ARE EXPERIENCING A MANIC EPISODE CALL YOUR DOCTOR AND FOLLOW THEIR INSTRUCTIONS. IF YOU DON'T HAVE A DOCTOR GO TO YOUR LOCAL ER AND THEY CAN HELP YOU. I AM WRITING OUT OF MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCE AND AM NOT INTENDING TO GIVE ADVICE BY DOING SO.
A couple weeks ago I woke up at 2:37 in the morning. It wasn't until I was half-way through my cigarette that I realized I was a little too awake. (Please hang in there with me through this post! It took me 30 minutes to write that last sentence. I have so many thoughts that I can't focus, so I'm just going to write today. I'm sorry if its a mess, but I need to write.) After a few more mornings like that and days filled with lightening shooting through my veins, I realized I was manic and if I wasn't careful, full blown, E-5 Mania was headed my way.
I have been on very little medication for almost a year now and my coping skills have grown to the extent that I no longer feel the need to dose myself every time my mood changes. But, like a good girl I called my doctor to let them know what was up. We came up with a plan that did not include completely drugging me up and I agreed to go the hospital if I could not manage.
I successfully managed my way through it until yesterday. It felt as if something in me snapped right in half. I told my husband that I had lost my mind and needed to go to the hospital and then proceeded to go sit outside.
I didn't know it at the time, but, my husband was doing something I don't think he had ever done before. He was researching mania.
He came outside and sat down beside me and said, "I believe you." Those three words brought me back to reality. He said he had always believed me. I never knew that, because he never told me. The importance of those three words coming from your mate is indescribable.
We went on to have a great conversation. We figured out what triggered my episode and he even gave me great advice on more coping skills that I can use. But he also lovingly pounded into my head the fact that I had a support system and that he believed me.
I did not go to the hospital last night, I went inside and went to bed. Today, I'm still manic, but hearing those three words last night has made for a much better day, today.