Today turned out to be such a beautiful day that I decided to make the long drive into town and take care of some errands. Despite the freezing nip of winter outside my warm van, I had my windows down and my radio blasting. "Today IS going to be a good day," I thought to myself as I navigated the curves into town as the sun shone down on me. I even giggled at the gas attendant who had more than a word to say about my bumper stickers. I got all of my errands done and before I knew it, I was back home.
I set down to write a post about the breakthrough that I had and in a split second the tears starting pouring as if this morning I had only sutured up fresh wounds and now they were breaking open with the force of my tears as if it was real blood droplets flowing through that could not be contained. It has me wondering if my wounds are too fresh and deep to artificially start the healing process with sutures or if I need to keep applying them every single day.
Or maybe, somewhere deep down, I keep telling myself that things will return to normal, that everyone's pain will cease and I have too many scars already.
Oh, dear Lord, I just want everything back to normal, but a happy normal. I'm intelligent enough to know that I can't change things, which makes every tear drop sting a little more than the one before.
I'm going to have to accept this new normal that has been thrown at me, but emotionally I'm not strong enough to do so.