Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Fresh wounds



                                                                                                                                                                
 
   Today turned out to be such a beautiful day that I decided to make the long drive into town and take care of some errands. Despite the freezing nip of winter outside my warm van, I had my windows down and my radio blasting. "Today IS going to be a good day," I thought to myself as I navigated the curves into town as the sun shone down on me. I even giggled at the gas attendant who had more than a word to say about my bumper stickers. I got all of my errands done and before I knew it, I was back home.
 
I set down to write a post about the breakthrough that I had and in a split second the tears starting pouring as if this morning I had only sutured up fresh wounds and now they were breaking open with the force of my tears as if it was real blood droplets flowing through that could not be contained. It has me wondering if my wounds are too fresh and deep to artificially start the healing process with sutures or if I need to keep applying them every single day.
 
Or maybe, somewhere deep down, I keep telling myself that things will return to normal, that everyone's pain will cease and I have too many scars already.
 
Oh, dear Lord, I just want everything back to normal, but a happy normal. I'm intelligent enough to know that I can't change things, which makes every tear drop sting a little more than the one before.
I'm going to have to accept this new normal that has been thrown at me, but emotionally I'm not strong enough to do so.


3 comments:

  1. You are stronger than you know. Continue to count your blessings each minute of every day. Celebrate the small joys that life brings you in the moment that they arrive. A sweet kiss from Anna Grace, a smile from Jakob, a giggle from Josiah, and a shared joke with Justin - these are things to concentrate on right now. The universe will work out the details. Lots of love to you.

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  2. I really hope that things get back to normal and get happy, you are intelligent enough like you say to know that you can't change things and sometimes I think that intelligence is what means some people like yourself and possibly I never feel happy, I hope things become normal soon Karli, I hoper that the tears end soon lovely lady.

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  3. It took me a long time to accept that I couldn't do all the things I used to, and that it was okay to be vulnerable. But you don't have to be perfect or the strongest person ever or even the healthiest - knowing your current limitations is the first step to recovery xx And in time you'll grow stronger and happier, and the "limitations" on what you can do will become less and less. But not by fighting against your current emotional state or abilities, its okay to take things slow! Best wishes, Tam xxoxox

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